Loving, Unlovely

The other day I was out shopping with my hubby for the perfect gift to give our first born daughter on her 2nd Birthday. 

We were so excited to hand her off to Aunt Jeri and Uncle Kirk and snuck away to get her Birthday present.



As usual, when we reunite I expect a "Mommy! I missed you!" hugs and kisses soon to follow.

But instead she says, "I don't like my parents. I don't want to go with you."

Gut wrenching. I never wanted to hear her say these words. Then it got worse.

"Piper, you don't really mean that we have fun too, tell Jeri and Kirk 'Thank you' and come with us."

She looked right into my eyes
"I don't like YOU."

Tears welled without permission in my eyes as I tried to gain control of my emotions. My hubby had a little chat with her about talking mean and talking nice "and that was not nice, that was very mean and it hurt Mommy."


I felt the tip of an iceberg.


I felt just a tiny bit of rejection that a parent feels from their child. Piper didn't know the hurt she caused just the pleasure and fun she was having and didn't want to leave it. But it made me think.

I felt a little bit of what many parents feel when their child jumps ship and rejects the way they were raised in a loving home.

I felt a tiny bit of what a child feels abandoned by a parent.

I felt a little bit of what a spouse feels when the other spouse says "I'm leaving I don't love you anymore." after years together.

I felt a little bit of what a Pastor and His wife feel when a Church member leaves the church: "What you said/did offends me and I'm not coming back."

I felt a tiny microscopic bit of what God, Man kinds' Creator, feels every day from billions across the world.

"God, I don't need you."

"God, I don't believe in you."

"God, I hate you."


I was 9 years old.
I felt unloved and decided to run away. My parents didn't need me.
No one loved me....me...me...me.
So I shoved every piece of clothing I had in a bag, I still remember the orange flower print busting at the seams as I zipped it up, I put on my rain coat and boots and announced my departure. My mother (probably feeling like crying), turned her face . My Dad didn't really believe me but followed to the door.

"Becky, please don't go, I love you, we all love you, don't go." said so tenderly from my tall, red bearded Daddy.

*Sniff* "No, you guys don't need me."

I walked half way up the dirt road and I heard him yell, "BECKY, COME HOME RIGHT NOW, I LOVE YOU!"

He ran in the rain,  through the mud in his white socks to scoop me up in his strong arms and carry me home.

I never felt more loved in my life by my parents then that day. I rejected them but they still loved me and came after me. 


Early teens I was sitting in a church pew at summer camp.

"When you get accept Jesus Christ into your heart you give your life to God, now he is in charge and you have to obey His word." a preacher preached.

I wanted to have fun, I wanted to make my own decisions and I DID NOT want to be a foreign missionary.

So I told God, "Eh, my way is better. I will run my own life."

My best friends' family were the opposite of mine. They were always "having a good time"  not a lot of rules to obey and went away on week ends while I had to go to church. She had a step-dad that cheated on her mom and they ended up getting a divorce. It was awful. I felt like it was happening to me, my friend and I were so close and I realized on the outside they might be "having fun" but on the inside they were empty and hurting.

Right after that I decided God was going to run my life and even if bad things happened "He will never leave thee nor forsake thee." I wanted God back. He was always asking me to follow Him and I had rejected Him over and over again but not this time. Not with this tug at my heart.

I tried to explain my decision to my friend but she didn't want to understand. I tried pleading with her. I was rejected. We stayed friends until her lifestyle and mine were so opposite- she couldn't stand being friends with a "Jesus freak" and I wasn't going to parties or dances with her. I'm still saddened when I think of how her life has turned out without God.


Isaiah and I had a very strict courtship, we chose it that way to reach our goal of saving our first kiss until the wedding day. We lived over 60 miles apart and my love language is quality time. 

At one point I told him we should break up because he didn't love me. I was making all the plans to see each other but I just wasn't feeling loved. He persisted and insisted that we stay together, I was the only girl for him. He really did love me and would make it a priority to show it in other ways since we didn't get to see of each other that much. I have a lot of love letters shouting his love and admiration for me. He planned fun dates that we could take a parent or sibling along. He invested in me and won my heart. God provided for my needs using Isaiah. I was lonely before I met him. Now we have each other, we are a team. I love him so much and don't deserve him. I'm thankful Isaiah loved me even when I hurt him.



Back to the story of my daughter...

So later that night when we brought Piper home. I bathed her, combed her sweet smelling hair, cuddled her.

"Mommy, you are the best."

"Piper, God is the best and I'm glad He gave you to me."






Everyone has a choice to accept or reject the love of God that He extends to us.
And I can testify the past two years have been the hardest and happiest of my life! I'm so thankful God was with me when I felt so alone. When there was no one He was always there extending His love to me. His way is BEST!

He has invested in us. He gave us His only son to die for our sins when time after time human kind has disobeyed and rejected Him.
So I plead with you as a mother pleads for the love of her child,
Accept Christ, and live for him who died for you!


"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." 

Romans 10:9

To My Beloved

Dear Isaiah,
In the past 4 years of studying you:
I have found I barely knew you at all when we got married, I am thoroughly looking forward to getting to know you more, and watching you grow into who God wants you to be.
I was so in love with all that I knew then but it was just the tip of the iceberg.
You are such a dreamer. Nothing seems impossible or crazy to you.
This 4th year of marriage has been about bending, endurance, slow and steady progress.  Encouragement in the unexpected.  The gratification in giving. God's provision in time of need.
He has always taken such good care of us.
When I look back over the year of us. I see God working things out over and over. Man is a failure without God.
The glue that holds us together in our faith unseen but always there and relying on our creator. He gets all the glory for our accomplishments over milestones.

You have my heart.
I will only have eyes for you my love.
The more I get to know you the more I fall in love.
You are my teenage sweetheart.
My soul mate. My partner in life. The leader of our home.
I am so thankful for your soft tenderness toward me and our children.
You have always won me over with your kindness.
I cherish your goodbye kisses and welcome home hugs.
I am grateful for all your hard work and that you are driven to succeed in all that you do.
What else can I say my dear?
I'm really in love with you.
Thank you for the past 4 years.
Your,
Rebekah

Happy Father's Day Isaiah!

Happy Father's day to my husband.
I'm so thankful for who you are and who you are becoming.
Daddy of two now,  working more and harder than ever, yet you take time to be a good Daddy. The expert at tucking Piper in and praying with her. Snuggling little Boaz when he is cold. You are gentle and kind and WAY more fun than mama. You take us on advuntures. You read the bible to us as a family. You never fail to drive us to church each Sunday.
You show our kids what it is to be an understanding and loving spouse. Piper will want to marry someone just like you! Boaz is going to want to fill those big boots you wear and be the man of his own house someday.
And me.... I am so honored to be your wife... the wife of your youth... to be able to grow up in love with you and figure this whole thing called life out with you in the lead.
Thank you for being the father of my children and the leader of our home.
          I love you.

She makes me slow down.

She makes me stop and splash in the puddles of "Wa wa." She makes me pick her flowers. She makes me think dandelion s are beautiful. She makes mud look cute. She makes me look at her rocks. She makes me fix her hair. She makes me slow down and cuddle. She makes me laugh. She makes me love the way her daddy looks with her in his arms. She makes me feel needed. She makes me feel so important and special.  She makes me a Mama.
I love you Piper Ann!

SAVE IT for the marriage

Wedding season is upon us and we just received a wedding invitation. We were expecting and excited to go to this wedding but we unfortunately will not be attending. It's on a Sunday  there is no possible way we can make it to church to serve and worship God who is #1 in our life and go watch this union. It's going to have booze, beer, alcohol (don't those help destroy marriage s?) They wouldn't be invited to my wedding...I don't want my husband puking on my dress, getting drunk or anyone else getting drunk...
There is going to be dancing...After the drinking..sounds like a party...
Sounds like I'm not going.
Looks like the way the engagement pictures turned out they are already sleeping together...OK your hands are on her butt and your face practically in her breasts...serious passionate kissing.
Save it.
So I thought it was time.
I have been so busy enjoying my new mommy life that I almost forgot how passionate I am about relationships. .. how much I hate the dating game( basically practicing for divorce) and how no one values those things that are rare and precious anymore.
No one is saving it for marriage.
Not enough people are shouting " It's God's plan for you to be with only one person! It's worth the wait! Keep pure! Give God the glory! Do right! Do right! Just wait! I waited and my marriage doesn't have a lot of problems that come from not saving it all! My marriage is not going to fail because I won't let it starve. Fight for what you value!"
Maybe I just have the best husband in the world...I like to brag... but he only ever held my hands, kissed only my lips on our wedding day and saved all of himself just for me. Wow, that shouts "I'm worth it. I'm valued. I'm precious. I am loved." And in return he found a girl that saved all her love for him and he has her whole heart safe with him.
I want everyone to feel the way I do.
I want everyone to have a God centered marriage.
I want every wife to be loved and to honor and respect her husband even when she isn't feeling the sparks.
I want this dying thing called marriage to LIVE.
Why are they failing? Why are they starting with a frat type party instead of a ceremony of seriousness and celebration?
Because they are lacking God in the relationship.
My mother in law said " if a stool only has 2 legs it wobbles and will fall over but if you have a 3rd leg it is well supported."
God is my third leg in marriage.
So it's starts way back before the marriage begins.
Is this relationship giving glory to God? Is everyone that sees us see God working in our life?
Or do they see me me me me me?
I know Isaiah could have in no way in his own strength given me all that I received when we got married if he had not had God directing his steps.
I am so blessed.
I never could have waited to give Isaiah all of me on my own....we barely made it until our wedding day for our first kiss if we had not made rules we would never be alone until then.

And the desire of my heart is to put it in the hearts of those not yet married or just about to to ask God to be at the head of it all because without Him there is no hope.
Save the marriage. Save it for marriage.

Clothes on a line

Clothes on a line

hearts that were 2 are twine

young love so tender

Strong love it renders

the family grows

time to hang out more clothes

First time running after baby #2

Look at that shadow
Next to the white line
Look at that shadow
Is that butt really mine
Look at that shadow
Running again for the first time