Monday, January 28, 2013


40 weeks and one day and still no baby.

So I'm going to tell you a little bit about how I'm feeling...after my story.
A wk ago Saturday I went into false labor...meaning I was having all the contractions but no dilation- it sucked (don't read that word if you are reading this Lanwana). So I got all excited, all cramped out, and we drove to my mothers, got next to no sleep, the contractions completely stopped then came back with a crazy intensity that made me throw up and Sunday morning my midwife checks me and I'm 1cm.
I feel like a failure.
Everyone knew I was having contractions and that the baby would be here soon. My husband already had that "I'm so proud of you" look on his face. Our mothers were giddy at the expectation of the new grandbaby they would soon be holding. And me, I was thinking finally I get to meet my baby girl and today is going to be her Birthday and every year we are going to celebrate this day with joy that God gave us this beautiful gift- this is going to be one of the best days of my life. Every contraction that was so tight I couldn't breathe and I just held my belly and prayed that we would make it through and I would be strong for her.
Then it came to a stop....they got further and further apart until I was having one contraction an hr then 3-5 a day.
I wanted to cry but I just kept it in.
My husband was so sweet. That Sunday night he drove me 40 miles away from home to go to another small town and have a diner date.
We laughed, and talked and talked, ate crinkle cut fries and a chocolate malt. I just enjoyed the moment with my husband and tried to forget that our baby was almost here but not yet. We stayed up late and watched movies and snuggled. I felt so in love with him for distracting me from the disappointment.
So here we are a wk later and I feel impatience building up in me . I want her to just surprise me. I want to not even be thinking about going into labor and all of the sudden get whammed with it.
But I can't help being scared now... that my body wont do what it's supposed to. I know this is totally wrong and I'm fighting it hard.
I keep praying for God to increase my faith and keep me from this fear.
And really as my mid wife says- I don't have any control over when she will come so relax.